So, we went to the pumpkin patch to get pumpkins. The whole family, except for Treen, who they said would have had to stay in the car. I bet they'd have welcomed her if she still had her service dog coat on. I wonder if we can get that back...
Anyway, we picked (90 freaking pounds of) pumpkins, drank fresh pressed apple cider, had donuts from an only partially homicidal donut robot, and we were about to go when... Is that an air cannon?
The title of COOLEST PUMPKIN PATCH EVER has belonged to the hippy farm down the Valley for the last three years because they had a trebuchet that threw pumpkins. But this farm had an air cannon that shot pumpkins. There's only one way to settle this.
<echoing>epic pumpkin chunkin contest</echoing>
But it's been three years and I don't even know that the hippy farm still has a trebuchet. And I kind of doubt either of these warriors were interested in going head to head. So instead of that, we'll settle it through a
<echoing>epic pumpkin chunkin thought experiment</echoing>
Yup. Get on your thinking caps. The two gourd-based weapons will do battle in my mind with points awarded by the expert of experts, yours truly.
#1: Which would have been more useful when assaulting a French castle? I have to award the point to the trebuchet since the air cannon relied on the relatively modern invention of an air compressor. Plus, when you get right down to it, the trebuchet is French and who better to tear apart France than the French? Exhibit A: The French Revolution. Exhibit B: World War II (Think Vichy, not Nazi.). Nuff said.
#2: Which had greater range? Easily the air cannon. 200 yards without going above 40 PSI. You almost couldn't hear the pumpkin pickers at the neighbor's farm screaming when they were hit.
#3: Convenience? Again, the air cannon. Turn a valve, load the barrel, pull the trigger.
#4: Audience participation? Kind of a toss up. I got to help load the trebuchet, but didn't get to fire it. We were the only ones interested in the air cannon so we got to direct the shooting.
#5: Payload? Hands down, the trebuchet. The pieces of pumpkin that Clara picked up were bigger than the entire softball-sized gourds the air cannon shot.
#6: Likelihood someone would be killed during firing? Another toss up. The trebuchet was massive and heavy. If it broke while loaded we'd have been on the national news. But the air cannon had a really old air tank and if it gave way we're talking shrapnel and we were really close.
It's all tied up at two a piece. Final question... better make it a good one.
#7: Utility in the event of a zombie apocalypse? Air cannon all the way. Ding dong. Who's there? Zombie. Zombie who? Zombie here to eat your BRAINS <WHOOSH> (Hey, where'd the zombie go?)
So there you have it. The hippies can keep their trebuchet, the air cannon is way better. As added bonuses, the air cannon might be able to hit the hippy farm if it were turned about 30 degrees. And it's given me a great idea for a new SCIENCE experiment.